1 00:00:05,104 --> 00:00:07,270 ♪ Boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪ 2 00:00:07,339 --> 00:00:10,908 ♪ songs that made the hit parade ♪ 3 00:00:10,977 --> 00:00:14,612 ♪ guys like us we had it made ♪ 4 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,948 ♪ those were the days ♪ 5 00:00:18,017 --> 00:00:21,218 ♪ and you knew where you were then ♪ 6 00:00:21,286 --> 00:00:25,255 ♪ girls were girls and men were men ♪ 7 00:00:25,324 --> 00:00:27,625 ♪ mister, we could use a man ♪ 8 00:00:27,693 --> 00:00:31,562 ♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪ 9 00:00:31,631 --> 00:00:34,832 ♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪ 10 00:00:34,901 --> 00:00:38,168 ♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪ 11 00:00:38,237 --> 00:00:42,372 ♪ gee, our old lasalle ran great ♪ 12 00:00:42,441 --> 00:00:47,611 ♪ those were the days ♪♪ 13 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:04,261 What the hell is going on down here? 14 00:01:04,329 --> 00:01:07,431 Oh, good morning, arch. I hope the noise didn't disturb you. 15 00:01:07,499 --> 00:01:10,668 Oh, no. I enjoyed it. 16 00:01:10,736 --> 00:01:14,538 That's why I came downstairs, so I could hear it better. 17 00:01:14,607 --> 00:01:16,774 What are you doing? 18 00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:21,011 Oh, geez. 19 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:24,514 "Peace, yes. Pentagon, no." 20 00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:27,751 Boy, you sure know how to start my day out, don't you? 21 00:01:27,820 --> 00:01:31,622 Hey, Edith. Yeah, Archie! Here's your coffee. 22 00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:34,458 This meathead here is aggravatin' me on an empty stomach. 23 00:01:34,526 --> 00:01:37,995 Maybe that's because you haven't had your breakfast yet. 24 00:01:45,304 --> 00:01:48,305 You figured that out, huh, Edith? 25 00:01:48,373 --> 00:01:52,542 Yeah. well, maybe there's something you could do about it. 26 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:56,480 Well, I could get you your breakfast. 27 00:01:57,483 --> 00:01:59,984 You're a pip, Edith. 28 00:02:00,052 --> 00:02:03,621 Now, where you goin' with the coffee? Oh, I'm sorry, Archie. 29 00:02:03,689 --> 00:02:07,190 Here. I'll get you your eggs right away. 30 00:02:07,259 --> 00:02:10,694 I painted another one, Michael. See? And it's dry now. 31 00:02:10,763 --> 00:02:14,264 Oh, yeah, good. Oh, another one. Let me look at this here. 32 00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:17,601 "Stop the military from wagin' war on us." 33 00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:20,738 Now, what are you doin', involving her in one of your pinko protests? 34 00:02:20,806 --> 00:02:23,273 Oh, don't worry, arch. She's gonna stay home. 35 00:02:23,342 --> 00:02:25,909 She's gonna type up my term paper. She's not comin' with me. 36 00:02:25,978 --> 00:02:28,345 And it isn't a pinko protest, daddy. 37 00:02:28,413 --> 00:02:30,380 Well, what do you call it then? 38 00:02:30,449 --> 00:02:33,283 It just happens to be one of the biggest student demonstrations... 39 00:02:33,352 --> 00:02:37,054 Against Pentagon control of our government this city has ever seen. 40 00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:39,790 Ah, geez. And what's more, I'm proud of my husband. 41 00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:43,193 At least he takes some responsibility for what's going on in this world. 42 00:02:43,262 --> 00:02:45,796 What about work? 43 00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:48,398 That's one of the things going on in this world. 44 00:02:48,467 --> 00:02:51,068 When is he gonna take some responsibility for that? 45 00:02:51,137 --> 00:02:53,470 Daddy, he's busy with his books and his studying... 46 00:02:53,539 --> 00:02:56,406 Yeah, and all that commie crapola. 47 00:02:58,077 --> 00:03:00,944 Get that treason off of my chair. 48 00:03:02,414 --> 00:03:05,315 Arch, when are you gonna stop with this commie jazz? 49 00:03:05,384 --> 00:03:07,718 It's all over, arch. The red scare's kaput. 50 00:03:07,787 --> 00:03:09,720 Nixon's going to Peking, remember? 51 00:03:09,789 --> 00:03:12,122 Hold it, buddy. He ain't there yet. 52 00:03:12,191 --> 00:03:14,558 What's that supposed to mean? 53 00:03:14,626 --> 00:03:18,461 Five presidents have been warnin' us for the last 25 years... 54 00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:20,630 Against them red chinks. 55 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:24,634 Now, nobody is gonna tell me that the signals is off now... 56 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:27,270 And a billion enemies is now our friends. 57 00:03:27,339 --> 00:03:30,140 Oh, no. Mr. Nixon has got somethin' up the sleeve. 58 00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:33,877 Yeah, like recommending they be admitted to the u.N. 59 00:03:33,946 --> 00:03:37,014 Oh, that'd be the day when this country sits down... 60 00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:40,550 With a nation of chink ping-pong players who don't believe in god. 61 00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:45,789 Daddy! Then why is Nixon going there... 62 00:03:45,858 --> 00:03:47,858 If he doesn't intend to recognize them? Right! 63 00:03:47,927 --> 00:03:51,829 Listen, in the first place, he can't recognize 'em. 64 00:03:51,897 --> 00:03:53,931 They all look alike. 65 00:03:57,136 --> 00:03:59,669 And in the second place, you Mark my words. 66 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:03,373 He's got some... what do you call... grand strategy there... 67 00:04:03,442 --> 00:04:06,443 That he can't "revulge" to us as yet. 68 00:04:06,511 --> 00:04:09,880 That's what it is. I mean, otherwise, the past 25 years, 69 00:04:09,949 --> 00:04:12,315 the whole country should've stood in bed. 70 00:04:12,384 --> 00:04:14,351 Geez, these sinuses are murder. 71 00:04:14,419 --> 00:04:16,353 They fog up my whole head. 72 00:04:16,421 --> 00:04:18,956 Well, that explains everything. 73 00:04:27,366 --> 00:04:29,299 Funny. Funny! 74 00:04:29,368 --> 00:04:31,568 Here's your breakfast, Archie. 75 00:04:31,637 --> 00:04:35,672 Hey, Edith, let me ask you. Did you open the bedroom window last night? 76 00:04:35,741 --> 00:04:39,576 Did I open the window? 77 00:04:39,645 --> 00:04:43,580 Are your sinuses bothering you? Yeah. 78 00:04:43,649 --> 00:04:46,884 Your head all clogged up and you can hardly breathe? 79 00:04:46,952 --> 00:04:51,021 - Yeah. - Then I opened the window. 80 00:04:52,591 --> 00:04:54,524 Breakfast, everybody! 81 00:04:54,593 --> 00:04:57,060 Oh, ma, I hope you don't mind if I eat fast, 82 00:04:57,129 --> 00:04:59,062 but I don't wanna get there late with the signs. 83 00:04:59,131 --> 00:05:01,064 Oh, what happens if you get there late, 84 00:05:01,133 --> 00:05:05,169 you gotta bring a note to your commissar? Ha ha. 85 00:05:05,237 --> 00:05:08,371 All this marchin' and protestin', what does it get you, huh? 86 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,740 Last week you was marchin' against poverty. 87 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:14,211 That's right, because last week, millions of Americans went to bed hungry. 88 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:19,683 Tell 'em not to march. They won't work up such a big appetite. 89 00:05:19,751 --> 00:05:22,886 I don't know why you're so upset, Archie. 90 00:05:22,955 --> 00:05:25,622 I remember when you used to picket. 91 00:05:25,691 --> 00:05:27,724 That was different, Edith. 92 00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:30,093 I was walkin' a picket line for my union, 93 00:05:30,162 --> 00:05:33,663 and I wasn't out screamin' in the streets, blockin' traffic. 94 00:05:33,732 --> 00:05:36,066 When we picketed, we done it the American way: 95 00:05:36,135 --> 00:05:38,168 On the sidewalks, dressed nice, 96 00:05:38,237 --> 00:05:42,105 walkin' up and down with our signs, peaceful, no violence. 97 00:05:42,174 --> 00:05:44,474 Except when somebody crossed the line. 98 00:05:44,543 --> 00:05:46,476 Then you broke his head. 99 00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:54,484 It's the only way to teach a scab a lesson. 100 00:05:54,553 --> 00:05:58,055 That was not violence, Edith. That was education. 101 00:06:00,125 --> 00:06:04,761 Besides, if you people think you're gonna get somewhere with your type of protest, 102 00:06:04,830 --> 00:06:06,964 I'm telling ya, youse are dreamin'! 103 00:06:07,032 --> 00:06:11,601 I was dreaming last night. Ah, geez. 104 00:06:11,670 --> 00:06:13,770 I dreamed... 105 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:15,873 You'll never believe this. 106 00:06:15,941 --> 00:06:19,343 Good. Then there ain't no point in tellin' it. 107 00:06:19,411 --> 00:06:22,079 - I wanna hear the story, ma. - Tell me. 108 00:06:22,147 --> 00:06:27,317 I was in the miss america contest! 109 00:06:28,487 --> 00:06:30,954 Who were you, Edith? Bert parks? 110 00:06:35,727 --> 00:06:41,231 No! Even Bert parks wasn't Bert parks. 111 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:45,835 He was senator proxmire. 112 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:48,571 I don't know who senator proxmire is, 113 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:52,242 but I kept hearing his name on the radio all day yesterday. 114 00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:54,244 And it's one of those words. 115 00:06:54,313 --> 00:07:00,050 "Proxmire, proxmire, proxmire, proxmire, proxmire." 116 00:07:01,686 --> 00:07:04,487 Well, anyway, there I was, 117 00:07:04,556 --> 00:07:08,525 this beautiful girl in a bathing suit. 118 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,496 Oh, you were there too, Archie. 119 00:07:13,565 --> 00:07:17,067 Another beautiful girl in a bathing suit. 120 00:07:19,004 --> 00:07:21,138 Funny, funny. 121 00:07:21,206 --> 00:07:24,207 Leave me out of your dreams, will ya? Oh, I can't, Archie. 122 00:07:24,276 --> 00:07:27,877 You were one of the judges, and that made me feel better... 123 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:33,116 'Cause I knew I could count on Archie's vote come hell or high water. 124 00:07:33,185 --> 00:07:37,120 "Hell or high water"? Ma, I never heard you use an expression like that. 125 00:07:37,189 --> 00:07:42,025 That was the theme song. You sang it to me, Archie, 126 00:07:42,094 --> 00:07:45,262 in the rowboat just before you kissed me. 127 00:07:45,331 --> 00:07:50,000 ♪ Come hell or high water I'll vote for you ♪♪ Edith, Edith! 128 00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:53,170 Please, please! If you got any pity in you at all, 129 00:07:53,238 --> 00:07:56,873 no more musical dreams, huh? 130 00:07:56,942 --> 00:07:59,843 That's probably Lionel. Right on time. 131 00:07:59,911 --> 00:08:01,845 Be right there, Lionel! 132 00:08:02,948 --> 00:08:05,048 Hey, come on in. How's it going? 133 00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:07,784 Hi, Lionel. Would you like a cup of coffee? 134 00:08:07,853 --> 00:08:11,154 No, thanks, Mrs. Bunker. No, ma. We gotta get goin'. Let's go. 135 00:08:11,223 --> 00:08:13,156 I don't know if I'm in that big a rush, Mike. 136 00:08:13,225 --> 00:08:15,392 I've been thinking about passin' up this demonstration. 137 00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:17,827 Hey, hey, what's this I hear? 138 00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:21,098 Here's a guy that knows his onions over here. 139 00:08:21,166 --> 00:08:26,736 You know, youse people got more brains than they give youse credit for, Lionel. 140 00:08:26,805 --> 00:08:29,006 Hey, Lionel, how come you changed your mind? 141 00:08:29,074 --> 00:08:31,441 'Cause he's smart, that's why, meathead. 142 00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:33,987 Minorities like Lionel, they gotta be careful 143 00:08:34,011 --> 00:08:36,179 about calling attraction to themselves. 144 00:08:36,248 --> 00:08:38,982 You know, there are some whites that got it in for your coloreds. 145 00:08:41,053 --> 00:08:43,153 That's why your coloreds have to behave better. 146 00:08:43,222 --> 00:08:45,922 They gotta act nicer. They gotta try harder. 147 00:08:45,991 --> 00:08:48,892 Yeah, that's right. We's like avis. Check. 148 00:08:53,265 --> 00:08:55,598 Look, Mike, the reason I was thinkin' of not goin' is, 149 00:08:55,667 --> 00:08:58,402 see, I was talkin' to my cousin Spencer on the police force... 150 00:08:58,470 --> 00:09:01,538 Hey, Lionel, I didn't know you had a cousin a cop. I never heard that. 151 00:09:01,606 --> 00:09:04,641 Yeah, well, he the white sheep of the family. 152 00:09:11,383 --> 00:09:13,316 Anyway... 153 00:09:13,385 --> 00:09:16,286 Anyway, Spencer's been called to a special detail down at the u.N. 154 00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:18,721 There's a couple of big groups gonna be counterprotesting, 155 00:09:18,790 --> 00:09:22,526 - and they're expecting some trouble. - Maybe you better not go. 156 00:09:22,594 --> 00:09:25,995 Gloria, I gotta go. I promised I'd be there. Come on, Lionel. 157 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,997 Leave him alone! 158 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,633 Why should he go down there and picket the military? 159 00:09:30,702 --> 00:09:33,403 The military's been damn good to his people... 160 00:09:33,472 --> 00:09:38,108 Taking 'em off the streets, giving 'em three squares a day, lotta fancy uniforms. 161 00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:40,510 Allowing 'em to die in Vietnam. 162 00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:44,981 Well, now, Lionel, you gotta take the bad with the good. 163 00:09:45,050 --> 00:09:48,851 Archie, good is not spending over 50 cents out of every dollar on the military. 164 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:50,853 The military gives jobs. 165 00:09:50,922 --> 00:09:54,124 How's his people gonna find work if you cut off them jobs at the source? 166 00:09:54,193 --> 00:09:57,094 But, Archie, I don't want the source of jobs to be the military. 167 00:09:57,162 --> 00:09:59,662 That's just the kind of thinking I'm going downtown to protest. 168 00:09:59,731 --> 00:10:02,566 Yeah, well, he ain't going with you. Yes, I am. 169 00:10:02,634 --> 00:10:04,601 Huh? You convinced me to go. 170 00:10:04,669 --> 00:10:07,404 How'd I do that? Just logic, Mr. Bunker. 171 00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:09,906 I mean, you got it up here. 172 00:10:09,975 --> 00:10:12,409 You ready, Mike? Yeah. 173 00:10:12,478 --> 00:10:15,579 Michael, Michael, please don't go. 174 00:10:15,647 --> 00:10:18,348 Gloria, honey, don't worry. Everything's gonna be all right. 175 00:10:18,417 --> 00:10:21,017 Talk to you later. Come on, Lionel. Bye, everybody. 176 00:10:21,086 --> 00:10:23,653 Oh, thanks for straightening me out, Mr. Bunker. 177 00:10:25,957 --> 00:10:29,826 That Lionel's a funny kid. Sometimes I can't dope him out. 178 00:10:29,894 --> 00:10:32,629 Ma, I'm worried. I don't think he should've gone. 179 00:10:32,697 --> 00:10:34,664 He could get hurt or arrested. 180 00:10:34,733 --> 00:10:39,969 Listen, listen, nobody gets arrested in this country unless they deserve it. 181 00:10:40,038 --> 00:10:41,971 If he don't go callin' cops "pigs"... 182 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:45,342 Or none of them other epaulettes, he'll be all right. 183 00:10:47,412 --> 00:10:50,947 Hello. Oh, hello, Mrs. Jefferson. 184 00:10:51,016 --> 00:10:54,717 No, no. He just left with Michael. 185 00:10:54,786 --> 00:10:57,053 Oh? 186 00:10:57,122 --> 00:10:59,389 Oh, yeah? 187 00:10:59,458 --> 00:11:04,093 Oh, don't worry. I'm sure they'll be all right. Bye. 188 00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:06,095 Ma, that was Lionel's mother. 189 00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:09,999 She said Spencer called, and they put on 200 extra police down at the u.N. 190 00:11:10,068 --> 00:11:12,001 They're expecting big trouble. 191 00:11:12,070 --> 00:11:14,237 Oh, my! Daddy, will you run after Michael... 192 00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:18,341 And stop him before he gets on the subway? He's already at the subway. 193 00:11:18,410 --> 00:11:20,710 Well, then go down to the u.N. And bring him home. 194 00:11:20,779 --> 00:11:25,715 Are you kiddin'? Me go to a commie demonstration? 195 00:11:25,784 --> 00:11:28,218 Wild hornets couldn't drag me there. 196 00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:31,020 Ma, get daddy to do it, please? I'm scared. 197 00:11:31,089 --> 00:11:35,625 You better go down there. Why don't she go down there herself? 198 00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:39,196 Because he won't like my interfering. I know him. He won't even listen to me. 199 00:11:39,264 --> 00:11:41,942 Do you think he's gonna listen to me? I've been living with him a year, 200 00:11:41,966 --> 00:11:43,900 he ain't heard a word I said yet. 201 00:11:43,968 --> 00:11:46,469 Daddy, I've seen it on the newsreels. 202 00:11:46,538 --> 00:11:49,606 They beat those kids with clubs and they haul 'em into jail... 203 00:11:49,675 --> 00:11:51,608 Like they were... Hold it, hold it. 204 00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:54,444 Never the good kids. Only the troublemakers. 205 00:11:54,513 --> 00:11:58,248 No. In Washington. I saw it on TV. 206 00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:00,617 Why, they took hundreds of 'em in... 207 00:12:00,686 --> 00:12:03,753 Who just seemed to be standin' watchin'. 208 00:12:03,822 --> 00:12:05,888 Edith, that was Washington. 209 00:12:05,957 --> 00:12:09,659 This is New York. 210 00:12:09,728 --> 00:12:12,495 Daddy, listen, if Michael gets arrested, 211 00:12:12,564 --> 00:12:15,298 they'll book him and fingerprint him and it'll be on his record, 212 00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:17,400 and then when he goes to look for a job... 213 00:12:17,469 --> 00:12:20,002 When? When? When? 214 00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:26,676 All right. All right. Since I don't have a father, I'll do it myself. 215 00:12:26,745 --> 00:12:28,723 And what's that supposed to mean, you ain't got a father? 216 00:12:28,747 --> 00:12:32,482 I said I'll go down there myself. No! Now, Gloria, wait, please! 217 00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:35,985 Archie, it's too dangerous. Don't let her do it. 218 00:12:36,054 --> 00:12:38,821 What kind of talk is that out of her, she don't have a father? 219 00:12:38,890 --> 00:12:42,158 Well, maybe she means she don't have one when she needs one. 220 00:12:42,227 --> 00:12:44,160 And what are you doin', takin' her part? Yeah. 221 00:12:44,229 --> 00:12:46,696 I'm going! And i'm going with you! 222 00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:52,001 What do you mean, you're going? Who's gonna make lunch around here? 223 00:12:52,070 --> 00:12:54,237 Come on, ma. We'll find him. 224 00:12:54,306 --> 00:12:57,274 Hold it. H-Hold it! Hold it! 225 00:12:57,342 --> 00:12:59,942 - Now youse ain't goin'. - Yes, we are! 226 00:13:00,011 --> 00:13:02,178 No, youse ain't goin' 'cause I'm goin'. 227 00:13:02,247 --> 00:13:04,447 Oh, daddy, thank you. Thank you, Archie. 228 00:13:04,516 --> 00:13:07,550 Forget about that. No thanks required. 229 00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:10,186 I'm gonna miss that ball game on television today. 230 00:13:10,255 --> 00:13:12,689 I'm gonna miss my lunch, not that anybody cares. 231 00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:15,525 Oh, we care, daddy. Get away from me. 232 00:13:27,472 --> 00:13:29,406 Oh! 233 00:13:29,474 --> 00:13:32,008 What's the matter, Gloria? 234 00:13:32,076 --> 00:13:34,811 Ma, they should've been home by now. 235 00:13:34,879 --> 00:13:37,747 Oh, now, Gloria, don't worry. 236 00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:42,485 I'm sure Mike is all right. Let's turn on the TV. 237 00:13:42,554 --> 00:13:46,323 Maybe there's some news. Oh, the news ain't on now. 238 00:13:46,391 --> 00:13:51,428 Now you got bright promise, secret storm and the newlywed game. 239 00:13:51,496 --> 00:13:53,302 But if something was happening, they'd break 240 00:13:53,326 --> 00:13:55,031 into the program with a special bulletin. 241 00:13:55,099 --> 00:14:00,403 Oh, I don't think they're allowed to break in on the newlywed game. 242 00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:06,810 Sit down, Gloria. Now, let's talk about something else, 243 00:14:06,878 --> 00:14:10,814 something that'll take your mind off Mike. I don't think I can, ma. 244 00:14:10,882 --> 00:14:16,118 Gloria, do you remember tubby Mr. Murdoch? 245 00:14:16,187 --> 00:14:18,621 Tubby Mr. Murdoch. We used to live next to them... 246 00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:21,057 On union street when I was about 11. 247 00:14:21,125 --> 00:14:25,495 That's right, in the apartment that always smelled like vinegar. 248 00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:30,567 Yeah. Well, if I was to tell you a secret... 249 00:14:30,635 --> 00:14:35,204 About tubby Mr. Murdoch and your father... 250 00:14:35,273 --> 00:14:39,141 And a lie I told this morning. 251 00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:44,981 - You told a lie this morning? - Yeah, in my miss america beauty contest dream. 252 00:14:45,049 --> 00:14:47,283 Tubby Mr. Murdoch wasn't in the dream. 253 00:14:47,352 --> 00:14:50,052 Yes, he was. 254 00:14:50,121 --> 00:14:54,323 He was the one that kissed me in the rowboat, not your father. 255 00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:58,928 Ma, no! 256 00:14:58,997 --> 00:15:02,432 His kiss was very vinegary. 257 00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:04,967 Not tubby Mr. Murdoch! 258 00:15:05,036 --> 00:15:06,969 I had to say it was your father... 259 00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:10,973 Because if he ever heard that anybody else kissed me in a rowboat, 260 00:15:11,042 --> 00:15:13,610 even in a dream, he'd have a fit! 261 00:15:13,678 --> 00:15:16,345 He sure would! That's funny! 262 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:20,249 I'm glad you liked it. 263 00:15:20,318 --> 00:15:23,720 And see how it took your mind off Mike? 264 00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:32,328 Oh, Gloria, i'm sorry. Oh, Michael. 265 00:15:32,397 --> 00:15:36,132 Let me fix you a cup of tea. That'll make you feel better. 266 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,167 All right, ma. 267 00:15:38,236 --> 00:15:41,203 Michael! Where have you been? 268 00:15:41,272 --> 00:15:44,841 Look at your shirt! What did they do to you? What happened? 269 00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:48,110 Well, Gloria, it... 270 00:15:48,179 --> 00:15:51,080 First, it started out peaceful. You know, we just sort of, 271 00:15:51,149 --> 00:15:54,517 you know, marching up and down in front of the u.N. 272 00:15:54,586 --> 00:15:58,287 But then this other group comes along and they start protesting against us. 273 00:15:58,356 --> 00:16:01,390 And then this guy from this other group jumps up on his buddy's shoulders, 274 00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,392 rips open his shirt, and right there it says, 275 00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:05,628 "america. Love it or leave it." 276 00:16:05,697 --> 00:16:08,631 A real tattoo burned right into his chest. 277 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:10,678 And then a guy from our group jumps up, and he says, "oh, yeah? 278 00:16:10,702 --> 00:16:12,635 Well, we love it, so why don't you leave it?" 279 00:16:12,704 --> 00:16:15,738 And then, before you know it, Gloria, there's food and rocks... 280 00:16:15,807 --> 00:16:18,541 And bottles flying all over the place like you can't believe it. 281 00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:21,410 And then the cops started comin' in, and there were hundreds of 'em. 282 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,412 So Lionel and I, w-we started to run, 283 00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:26,616 but just as we turned around, Gloria, standing there, right in front of us, 284 00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:29,953 was the biggest, tallest, meanest cop... 285 00:16:30,021 --> 00:16:34,924 With this gigantic head and a face like ed Sullivan. 286 00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:36,926 And just as he was about to grab us, 287 00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:39,462 from out of nowhere comes this naked lady. A naked lady? 288 00:16:39,531 --> 00:16:42,131 Yeah! There was this beautiful naked lady, 289 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,601 and she comes right up to ed Sullivan, 290 00:16:44,669 --> 00:16:47,837 jumps in his arms and punches him right in the face. 291 00:16:47,906 --> 00:16:50,417 Couldn't believe it. But Lionel and I figured this is our chance to get away, 292 00:16:50,441 --> 00:16:52,954 so we dropped down to our knees, and we start crawling out of there... 293 00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:55,712 Between hundreds of legs as fast as we could and we escaped. 294 00:16:55,780 --> 00:16:58,615 Do we have any cheese? 295 00:16:58,683 --> 00:17:02,218 I'm hungry. Oh, yeah. I'll get it right away. 296 00:17:02,286 --> 00:17:05,021 Oh, Mike! Where's Archie? 297 00:17:06,157 --> 00:17:10,693 - Archie? - Michael, I forgot to tell you. 298 00:17:10,762 --> 00:17:13,763 I sent daddy down there to look for you. 299 00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:16,799 Why? 'Cause I was worried. 300 00:17:16,868 --> 00:17:18,968 Yeah, but, Gloria, how could he find me? 301 00:17:19,037 --> 00:17:20,970 I mean, the place was a madhouse. 302 00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:23,272 People running around, yelling screaming. 303 00:17:23,341 --> 00:17:25,708 The cops arresting everyone. 304 00:17:33,084 --> 00:17:35,618 Oh, boy. 305 00:17:56,374 --> 00:17:58,340 Aw, geez! 306 00:17:58,409 --> 00:18:01,644 Officer! Officer! Officer, get me out of here! 307 00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:05,648 You again? I told you before, bunker, I don't want any more trouble from you. 308 00:18:05,717 --> 00:18:07,817 Officer, come here a minute, huh? Hey. 309 00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:10,653 Look at this here. So? 310 00:18:10,722 --> 00:18:13,089 What do you mean, so? That's the American flag there. 311 00:18:13,157 --> 00:18:16,559 Very nice. How much? 312 00:18:16,628 --> 00:18:20,964 I don't wanna sell it. This means I'm an American. 313 00:18:21,032 --> 00:18:23,399 So am I. So were they. 314 00:18:23,468 --> 00:18:27,369 Yeah, but I ain't one of them. I was just an innocent stand-byer. 315 00:18:27,438 --> 00:18:31,240 Are you trying to tell me that police arrest innocent citizens? 316 00:18:31,309 --> 00:18:33,275 I never said that. 317 00:18:33,344 --> 00:18:35,745 And I thought you said you was an American. I am. 318 00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:38,247 Then don't be hidin' behind the American flag... 319 00:18:38,316 --> 00:18:40,382 In order to smear the police. 320 00:18:44,288 --> 00:18:46,990 Overpaid knucklehead. 321 00:18:52,063 --> 00:18:53,997 Ah, leave me alone with that. 322 00:18:54,065 --> 00:18:55,999 Ohh! 323 00:18:56,067 --> 00:18:58,001 Ohh! 324 00:18:58,069 --> 00:19:02,471 Hey, man, you're gonna blow your mind sniffin' that stuff. 325 00:19:04,809 --> 00:19:08,444 Huh? Bad trip, baby. Real bummer. 326 00:19:08,513 --> 00:19:10,680 That stuff is worse than droppin' acid. 327 00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:13,482 What the hell are you talkin' about? 328 00:19:13,551 --> 00:19:17,253 Stick with grass, man. It's organic. 329 00:19:17,321 --> 00:19:20,456 It's sniffin' that that's makin' you so hostile. 330 00:19:20,525 --> 00:19:25,494 This here is medicine, buddy. It's all medicine. 331 00:19:29,233 --> 00:19:32,101 That cat's gonna blow holes in his head. 332 00:19:34,072 --> 00:19:36,873 Don't do that to yourself, brother. 333 00:19:39,510 --> 00:19:42,511 Huh? Put that away, brother. 334 00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:46,816 Take a trip with god. What are you talkin' about? 335 00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:49,130 ♪ Jesus Christ superstar ♪ i'm talkin' about the Jesus trip, brother. 336 00:19:49,154 --> 00:19:53,255 Hey, let me ask you. Is that noise comin' off of you somewhere? 337 00:19:53,324 --> 00:19:56,258 Oh, geez! Turn that racket off, huh? 338 00:19:56,327 --> 00:19:58,327 ♪ Jesus Christ superstar ♪ racket? No. 339 00:19:58,396 --> 00:20:02,665 That's "Jesus Christ superstar," brother. It's Sunday. 340 00:20:02,734 --> 00:20:05,401 I know it's Sunday, and that ain't Sunday music. 341 00:20:05,469 --> 00:20:07,937 It's unreligious. Now, turn it off, huh? 342 00:20:08,006 --> 00:20:12,441 You mean, you actually don't dig "Jesus Christ superstar"? 343 00:20:12,510 --> 00:20:17,013 Jesus Christ I dig, and I dug him a long time before you weirdos... 344 00:20:17,082 --> 00:20:19,882 Turned him into a superstar. 345 00:20:19,951 --> 00:20:22,785 Now will you get that away from me and turn it off! 346 00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:27,123 ♪♪ Brother, you walk in darkness. 347 00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:30,960 All over the world, this music is turning young people on to Christ. 348 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:33,395 Praise the lord! Amen! Right on! 349 00:20:33,464 --> 00:20:35,798 And you condemn it. Let me tell you something. 350 00:20:35,867 --> 00:20:38,835 Christ don't want you turnin' on to him. 351 00:20:38,903 --> 00:20:42,071 He wants you comin' to him on your knees, 352 00:20:42,140 --> 00:20:45,307 not wigglin' and jigglin' till your parts fall off. 353 00:20:45,376 --> 00:20:47,543 Oh, look at this now! 354 00:20:47,612 --> 00:20:50,146 Beautiful! Bunch of creeps! 355 00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:52,648 What's the use in talkin' to youse? What a generation! 356 00:20:52,717 --> 00:20:55,885 We try to learn youse somethin', try to teach you some religion, 357 00:20:55,954 --> 00:20:58,487 drag youse off to church, and what do you do? 358 00:20:58,556 --> 00:21:03,726 You give us back the son of god like he's some kind of Engelbert what's-his-dinck. 359 00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:06,562 Oh, it ain't no use. Get away from me! 360 00:21:06,631 --> 00:21:11,968 Get away from me! Get lost! Hey, officer! Get me out! 361 00:21:12,036 --> 00:21:17,006 Quiet down! You too, bunker! I can't stay in here no more! 362 00:21:17,075 --> 00:21:19,286 I was just comin' to get you. You're kiddin'. I'm gettin' out? 363 00:21:19,310 --> 00:21:21,244 You're gettin' out. Let me out of here. 364 00:21:21,312 --> 00:21:23,246 Hey, how about me? 365 00:21:23,314 --> 00:21:27,049 Ah, gee, am I glad to be seein' the last of youse! 366 00:21:27,118 --> 00:21:30,686 We'll meet again, brother! 367 00:21:30,755 --> 00:21:33,289 You wanna sign these release papers? Yeah, sure. 368 00:21:33,357 --> 00:21:35,291 Sergeant, is my father all right? 369 00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:38,094 Don't worry, little lady. He's fine. There you go. 370 00:21:39,330 --> 00:21:41,264 "Stivic." you Polish? 371 00:21:41,332 --> 00:21:43,132 Yeah. Why? 372 00:21:43,201 --> 00:21:46,769 Glad to you know ya. Pulaski. Paul pulaski. 373 00:21:46,838 --> 00:21:49,571 Oh, hi. How are ya? Yeah. What, were you born here? 374 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,373 Yeah, but my folks came from Kraków. 375 00:21:51,442 --> 00:21:53,542 No kiddin'. That's where my old man comes from. 376 00:21:53,611 --> 00:21:56,312 Yeah? Hey, how do you like that! 377 00:21:56,380 --> 00:21:59,682 Here he is, sarge. Oh, daddy! Are you all right? 378 00:21:59,750 --> 00:22:02,852 How'd you get here? Tryin' to find your husband. 379 00:22:02,921 --> 00:22:05,021 Well, they can't arrest you for that, can they? 380 00:22:05,089 --> 00:22:08,024 The sarge is waitin' to see you, bunker. 381 00:22:08,092 --> 00:22:11,260 Try not to be the jerk you was inside, huh? 382 00:22:13,198 --> 00:22:16,132 Callahan! 383 00:22:16,201 --> 00:22:18,167 Who do you think you're talkin' to? 384 00:22:18,236 --> 00:22:20,169 Now apologize to Mr. Bunker. 385 00:22:20,238 --> 00:22:23,405 But, sarge, all I said was... 386 00:22:23,474 --> 00:22:27,076 All right. I apologize. 387 00:22:31,449 --> 00:22:35,818 Sorry about that, Mr. Bunker. That's all right, sarge. No hard feelings. 388 00:22:35,887 --> 00:22:38,487 I was always a friend to the cops, 389 00:22:38,556 --> 00:22:40,427 even that time when you was threatenin' to 390 00:22:40,451 --> 00:22:42,391 go on strike and everybody hated your guts. 391 00:22:44,362 --> 00:22:47,596 Always supported them. I always said, "this city would be a jungle... 392 00:22:47,665 --> 00:22:51,200 - If it wasn't for New York's finest. - Well, we try. 393 00:22:51,269 --> 00:22:55,304 That's what I try to keep telling this dumb Polack son-in-law of mine. 394 00:23:04,482 --> 00:23:07,449 This dumb what? 395 00:23:07,518 --> 00:23:09,651 Polack. 396 00:23:11,522 --> 00:23:13,923 Say it a little louder, arch. 397 00:23:16,060 --> 00:23:18,460 Sgt. Pulaski didn't hear you. 398 00:23:24,568 --> 00:23:28,204 Uh-oh! I got a little bad news for you, bunker. 399 00:23:28,273 --> 00:23:31,974 I'm not at all sure that your release papers are in perfect order. 400 00:23:32,043 --> 00:23:35,644 Callahan! Sarge, uh... 401 00:23:35,713 --> 00:23:40,283 Now, bunker, I hope you realize that a big, dumb Polack like me... 402 00:23:40,351 --> 00:23:42,418 Could easily make a mistake, right? 403 00:23:42,486 --> 00:23:44,387 Yeah, sarge? 404 00:23:44,455 --> 00:23:48,124 Oh, Callahan, would you take these papers down to officer Murphy... 405 00:23:48,192 --> 00:23:50,192 And have 'em typed up all over again. 406 00:23:50,261 --> 00:23:55,364 Officer Murphy? The one who types with one finger? 407 00:23:55,433 --> 00:23:59,368 That's right. And have him be ever so careful. 408 00:23:59,437 --> 00:24:01,304 Right, sarge. 409 00:24:01,372 --> 00:24:03,639 Don't worry, bunker. With any luck at all, 410 00:24:03,707 --> 00:24:06,208 you should be out within three or four hours. 411 00:24:15,186 --> 00:24:17,486 Here's your beer, Archie. 412 00:24:17,555 --> 00:24:20,289 And another sandwich, daddy, just the way you like it. 413 00:24:20,358 --> 00:24:23,759 I wanna tell youse all you got a lot to answer for. 414 00:24:23,828 --> 00:24:26,162 Especially you, meathead. It was all your fault. 415 00:24:26,230 --> 00:24:27,396 Me? What did I do? 416 00:24:27,420 --> 00:24:30,099 You was born a Polack. That's what you did. 417 00:24:33,171 --> 00:24:35,215 That's why I had to stay in that station house for three hours, 418 00:24:35,239 --> 00:24:38,740 starin' at that big, dumb sergeant 'cause you didn't warn me. 419 00:24:38,809 --> 00:24:40,742 What did you want me to do, arch? 420 00:24:40,811 --> 00:24:45,247 Send up a signal flag saying, "shut your dumb mouth. Sgt. Pulaski's Polish"? 421 00:24:45,316 --> 00:24:47,594 Instead of being mad at Michael, you ought to thank him. 422 00:24:47,618 --> 00:24:51,320 - He bailed you out. - How much the bail bond cost us? 423 00:24:51,389 --> 00:24:53,922 - Nothin'. - What do you mean, nothin'? 424 00:24:53,992 --> 00:24:56,725 Them bondsmen don't hand over their shekels for nothin'. 425 00:24:56,794 --> 00:24:58,961 Yeah, but I didn't go to a bail bondsman. 426 00:24:59,030 --> 00:25:01,397 I got the money from the freedom fund. 427 00:25:05,870 --> 00:25:11,007 - The which? - It's money used to free protestors who get arrested. 428 00:25:15,779 --> 00:25:18,214 You're out of jail courtesy of your friends, arch... 429 00:25:18,282 --> 00:25:20,483 The pinkos, the meatheads and the freaks. 430 00:25:45,109 --> 00:25:49,545 All in the family was recorded on tape before a live audience.